Life

There are legit ups and downs to life.  There are many many days of perception imbalance. A bit of a mental adjustment can do wonders.  I know I may not be able to stop the crazy train (of thought) some days but as long as I see the fault and can correct it even a little for the next time (ie lessons learned) I feel I can still call it a win.

What do you do when you get off track mentally?
What is your emotional reset button?
What activity or person is your solace when nothing seems to be going right?

What is your guiding light?

All we can do in this life is keep moving forward. A limitation of movement in the physical world can be a mere manifestation of a stagnation in spirit or emotional well being. This includes illness. Soul worry is unprocessed events, emotions and thoughts. We are in a world of sick people avoiding things in their life that ends up causing so much more pain than just dealing with it. I have come to understand that what we hold on to is what makes the illness in the body and mind, not what we let go of.

Change

There alsmost always comes a time when you call bullshit on yourself. A point in which you have to say enough is enough and though I may be a little behind at least I am hitting that point. I have made a list of things that without a doubt I need to work on and it is as follows....

Things that NEED to change!

• defeatist attitude
• being overly reactive
• being overly emotional
• making excuses
• trying to please everyone at my own cost
• caring too much about what others think
• not giving it my best ALWAYS!
• negative self talk
• negative self image
• giving up easily
• not pushing myself (until it hurts)
• imaginary crutches
• imaginary walls to goals
• not reaching goals
• due to excuses
• due to laziness
• due to being all Karinery

I know I have flaws and accept them and myself for what I am. However, I am no longer using any of that as excuses to not succeed. Just because something doesn't go right the first time doesn't mean that is the end of the journey. Get up, get moving, make changes. Not in a minute, not when it is convenient, NOW!!

Sleep study

Finally an answer is near. Tonight is the sleep study. Perhap an end to my hypnopompic hallucinations. Stay tuned for details...

Me time

Girls gotta have me time. Sometimes bath seem to wash away the worries. Especially when you have a bath guardian.

Soooo tired

7am bath to get me back to sleep. Lazy? Or needed?

The power of DON'T and CAN'T

It's amazing the power of one word. It can sooth us with someone telling us don't worry, we can do this. And it can completely warp your mind and do the exact opposite of its intent. Example: for the next 5 minutes don't scratch your skin. Do you instantly feel an itch forming somewhere on your body? Just writing this my head and elbow started itching. My recent run ins with don't have been in two areas. I am on a new path towards health and fitness. I have to remind myself that I shouldn't eat naughty foods or too much. I only crave chocolate and donuts when I know I shouldn't be eating them. "Don't even look at that chocolate bar." It seems like every time I try to start a new workout routine my body pulls a "don't". I get one or two workouts in and then I get some sort of plague and then backpain and something pulled.

Back to the grind

I feel like having taken summer courses was a good thing.  Sometimes Fall quarter is the worse because it feels so foreign. I had a month off and it was just enough time to feel like I could have got things done but not so long as to make me wish it ended sooner.  I know silly thought right, wanting break to be over.  I am finally through the icky science course and am finally getting to do some real courses in nutrition. EXCITING!! School is busy and it's a lot of new faces with sprinkles of familiar ones.  I am ready to jump in and be successful. So much so I added another class last minute. One class a day most days is a pain to commute for but the classes seem well worth it. I am only two classes and two days in so the opinion next week could be vastly different.

Here's to hoping I am successful.

PS- hi Anita...I know you're my only reader.

friendship

I have gained and lost many over the years and more than I would really like in the last few years. I take everything so personally with a friendship doesn't workout. I have anxiety dreams about fixing what is wrong but I just need to accept that things change. People evolve and sometimes friendships are lost. I felt like when I lost my job that I was losing all my friends but in leaving the comfort of daily interaction I have realized who the real friends where.

I have many goals in my life that I am currently trying to actualize and though I may not have the collection of friends I once had the ones remaining are solid.  I know that I can turn to the people in my life for the mental sanity I need. They each play a very different role.

Chris my mental sanity specialist.
Ang my weight loss and nutrition motivator.
Travis my creative release expert.
Don my Jimny Cricket.
...to name a few.

All are reciprocal friendships and that is how it should be. All those that I have lost over the years felt one sided and I knew that before they went away. With the friends I have now there are pleases and thank you's. There are good days and bad days. There is no negatives and I am happy with the crew of friends I have collected or that have collected me.

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

COPS

Ok, so I understand that sometimes rules don't apply in say an emergency situation but...

Why do cops get to ignore the laws they are to be upholding? Again as I said, in certain situations there are exceptions.  Traffic is not an exception. If you are a cop, by yourself, no passangers... GET OUT OF THE CARPOOL LANE. I have to sit in traffic so should they. Lights not going so clearly not on their way to an incident.

Today it was even better. In the carpool lane, speeding while tailgating the pool dude following the rules in from of him.

I wonder if I do the same shit and get a ticket if but I saw a cop doing it would stand up in court? I wish there was a way to get them on that shit. Where do I complain to?

RAIN

For fuck sake people if you don't like the rain move. I am sooooooo tired of hearing people bitch about Washington rain. You love the green grass, tall trees and lakes & rivers to play in. So shut the fuck up. Those all REQUIRE RAIN!!!

I just have really had it with the whole bitch about rain thing. I have lived in Washington my whole life minus a few years away for school. Shit even when I lived in Philly people didn't bitch as much as people in Washington.  When they get rain there it's torrential and it floods the streets. Granted people thought I was crazy for walking to school in t-shirt and shorts in monsoon weather. Soggy shorts are better than soggy jeans.

Same goes for lack of summer. If you don't like rain or mild climate LEAVE!! Or even worse people that bitch when it's nice out about how it's gonna rain soon. Fucking enjoy the sun you dipshits. You want it so much. Please for the love of Washington get the fuck out of my state. Your constant whining about the lack of sun and too much rain is ruining my bliss. Either accept what you have or change it. It's like waking up every morning and being surprised there's a nose on your face. Accept that shit. I cannot find the proper words for how done I am with you people. STFU!!

/rant

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VKy69sE4VY

Water mama

I often feel like I should have been born under a water sign. As much as being a virgo fits me I am happiest in and around water. The sound of rain luls me to sleep. The glistening green of a rushing river calls to me and I get lost in the happy dance of the curves of the river. The season to swim is upon us and I am fully ready to undulge my inner water dog.

Go out and dip your toes people...it's worth it.

tourettes

What is Tourette Syndrome (TS)? It is a neurobiological disorder characterized by tics–involuntary, rapid, sudden movements and/or vocal outbursts that occur repeatedly.

Tourettes .. I have figured out what mine is. It is the same as my mother. I can't not talk. Yes double negative and all.

Basically my entire family has A.D.D. and tourettes. I know I have A.D.D. if not A.D.H.D. and it was a matter of time before I deemed something my tourette. And I have figured it out as I said. My involuntary sudden vocal outburst is in the form of not being able to talk. I shout answers at strangers in grocery lines, restaurants, basically anywhere a conversation goes on. In realizing this it has made my participation in classes awkward. I want to ask questions but is it because I feel like I have to participate or is it just a way for me to segway into telling a story. I never used to be like this. I am starting to consider duct take.

EDIT: perhaps this is all a function of facebook society with the need to comment on everything. Perhaps it is time to quit facebook again.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed | Arise India Forum - Dispel illusion and hatred..establish truth!!

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed | Arise India Forum - Dispel illusion and hatred..establish truth!!

It is sad how many people end up having regrets in life. I feel like so far in my existence I have done pretty well. I am self aware enough to know when I am being stupid and try and correct the path. I am trying to not live my life in a constant state of coulda shoulda woulda. I am mindful of my actions even if I am still stubborn most days. Perfection isn't a goal because its unattainable so I just aim for the best I can do. I know I am falling short but again... I am working on changing a lot of things in my life. Change is good and I am trying to no longer fear it.

Live your life like its ending because it is... just very slowly. One day at a time be a better you.

testing

I am going to try to be more creative and this will be where I put whatever my brain barfs out or I craft with my hands. Feel free to challenge me to write things.

sometimes

Not all the time, just sometimes I feel like fail.

So tonight I will be creative and fix the funk. Its been a really long time since I have tried to be creative and I think I need to take this holiday break and fix that.

Happy things

Things that make me happy today...
Cee-Lo Green pandora station
having the love of someone who does say it but shows it.
Having the energy to function
Loving myself
Good food

Financial aid

What is with the financial aid departments of colleges? Do they sniff markers? I mean I have learned more than I need to about the process because they all seem to have no effing clue about how to do their jobs. I know its high stress and I know there are huuuuundreds of people each quarter getting aid...but COME ON!!!!

Motivation

Wish I could but it at the store.

Sunshine

Ok this might be a little strange but I am enjoying the sunshine so much I wish I could stretch out naked in the warm sun. Like I need the heat and to feel the sun directly on my skin.